mommy4autism

Just another WordPress.com site

Ballerina

on September 29, 2011

When I was about 5, someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well, as many other little girls my age, I said I wanted to be a ballerina. Of course, then I actually took ballet lessons, and found out that 1) Ballet is hard and 2) I didn’t want to be like everybody else. I especially didn’t want to do the same dance every other little girl was doing. I wanted to do it my own way, to spin and twirl and laugh while I made up my own dance…*ahem* Needless to say, I did not become a ballerina.

Later on in life, someone asked again, what did I want to be when I grew up? I didn’t know. Sure, there were times when I thought maybe I wanted to be a lawyer, to rid the world of injustice, and then there was another time I considered veterinary work (until I figured out that all I could do was cry when I saw an animal hurting). But ultimately? I didn’t really know.

Even as a sophomore in High school, we were sort of coerced into making a decision about how the rest of our lives were going to play out. I took a stand because I didn’t think it was necessary. I mean, come on, I was 15! My greatest aspects in life revolved around my boyfriend, whatever play the drama department was doing next, and the latest music I was in love with (not necessarily in that order).

So what did I do with my life? What did I grow up to be?  Are you surprised when I say that, truthfully, I don’t really know?

I studied Music/Vocal Performance for 5 years in college. I also loved English and Psychology. So now I sometimes get paid to sing, but not every day. And sometimes I get paid to do some editing and even some tutoring, but not every day. I also really have a desire to help people and, based on my own history and struggles with mental health, I happen to have the tools and lingo to do so. But I’m no Psychologist, and I don’t get paid for that.

I work for a company that does International HR, for whom I do their Accounting and Customer Service, with some tech support and editing thrown in on the side. But is that what I grew up to be? Not really.  I also work part time for a network marketing company that sells skin care and health & wellness items, but I mostly do that because I love the products, the people, and the chance it offers me for a long term investment and a better retirement.  But I’m no esthetician, nor am I a “salesperson.”

I guess you could say that I grew up to be a “Consultant.”

Yesterday I looked up at the blue sky and I asked God, “Who am I?  Did I ‘grow up’ to be who you wanted me to be?” He didn’t answer directly, but an answer did sorta come to me when I thought harder about it. I was chosen. I was chosen to be all of these things.

But most importantly, I was chosen to be the mother of a high needs, autistic child. God chose me to raise a precious boy who needs someone to love him and fight for him and care for him. He chose me to be a part of something uniquely beautiful. He also chose me to be a part of something hard, something other mothers do not envy me for, something that I might have to advocate for all my life.  And He has been preparing me for this ever since I, a strong-willed yet sensitive child, didn’t want to be a ballerina.   ❤ Kristi

Advertisements

One response to “Ballerina

  1. “God chose me to raise a precious boy who needs someone to love him and fight for him and care for him. He chose me to be a part of something uniquely beautiful. He also chose me to be a part of something hard, something other mothers do not envy me for, something that I might have to advocate for all my life. And He has been preparing me for this…” ~ I can relate to these words. Thanks for the post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: